It’s no fun to be around someone who quarrels or nags. In fact, most of us would rather never be around someone like that at all.
When it comes to marriage, the Bible has a lot to say about wives who fall in this category…
A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day. Proverbs 27:15
Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:9 AND Proverbs 25:24
The writer of Proverbs was so serious about that one that he repeated the same exact sentence in two different chapters. He really wanted to make a point!
Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife. Proverbs 21:19
In other words, living with a wife who is argumentative and contentious is….a NIGHTMARE!!
I certainly would not want to be married to someone like that. Would you? It goes without saying that our husbands certainly don’t want us to act that way!
I’ll be honest. I can be harsh at times. Critical. Not just in the words I say, but in the tone I use to say them. This is something that God has been dealing with me about a lot lately. And I’m trying to make some changes. Because this is a big deal.
Our words are so powerful. The Bible says…
The tongue has the power of life and death. Proverbs 18:21
Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18
We have the opportunity to bring healing to our husbands and our family if we are wise. On the other hand, if we are reckless, we can cut to the heart. We can wound and damage those closest to us.
And here’s another verse to think about…
If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. James 1:26
Serious, huh?
I have a feeling this is an issue we all face. So what do we do about it?
Sometimes it may be as simple as keeping our mouth shut. Really though, I think it goes deeper…straight to our hearts. Because really, words are just the overflow of what is in our hearts anyway. We may be able to “behave” without a heart change. We may be able to be nice and good, even most of the time, through our human efforts alone. But I believe God requires more of us.
The good news is that He has not asked us to do something that He’s not willing to help us with. He knows exactly what is in our hearts and minds, whether we say it or not…
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. Psalm 139:4
So what is the answer? For me, it is crying out to God in prayer on a daily basis for HELP! I am asking the Lord to change my heart. Help me respond in a kind and loving way. Remind me that I am not always right, and that even when I am, I still have to respond in the right way.
Every day, I am purposing in my heart to watch what I say and how I say it. Do I still mess up? Yep…daily! I also have to be willing to repent when I make a mistake. And repentance doesn’t mean just saying I’m sorry. I need to turn away from using harsh words and make a change.
One thing that God has prompted me to do, for a number of reasons, is to spend more time reading and studying His Word. The closer I am to God and the more He is working in my life, what is on the inside will be evident in my speech. I want the overflow of my heart to be words of encouragement and life!
Is the Lord stirring your heart with a desire for your words to be more life-giving? What steps are you taking to make sure you aren’t “a constant dripping?”
If you haven’t read the other Fresh Year, Fresh Start posts on marriage this week, I encourage you to click these links below:
For Better or For Worse-Make a True Commitment to Your Husband, No Matter Where You’ve Been by Lori at Argyle & Apricots
Respect – An Act of Obedience by Kelly at Wisdom Begun
Respect Your Husband by Sandra at Heart for Him
Fix That Leaky Faucet! by Jessica at Muthering Heights
You can also find a list of last week’s posts focused on spiritual growth at Run the Earth, Watch the Sky.
There will be a linky this Friday for you to share your own posts on how you’re making a fresh commitment to your marriage in 2010. Visit Run the Earth, Watch the Sky on Friday to participate. Everyone who links up will be eligible to win a FRESH BLOG MAKEOVER from Jo-Lynne (@dcrmom) of DCR Design at the end of the series.
- Erin
This post included in Real Life’s Your Life Your Blog.
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Well. said. Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks!! I can bite my tongue until it’s bleeding, but if my heart is wrong, I am still wrong before the Lord and probably still being disrespectful in my NONverbal communication.
I share your struggle, Erin! I find that so often the way I am disrespectful to my husband is very subtle… and it often shows up in my tone. I want him to feel safe in his home and definitely prefer it to the roof or a desert!
May God continue to wash us with the Word and change us from the inside out!!
Great wisdom here! I have so much to learn, but by God’s Grace, I’m getting there!
Twitter: MutheringHeight
January 12, 2010 at 10:53 pm
My mouth gets me into so much trouble…God is also helping me work through my speech issues!
The verses you selected were great for this post!!
Twitter: lorizimbardi
January 12, 2010 at 11:14 pm
I agree with Jessica, great verses. This series has really put a huge spotlight on my struggles. I think the only thing that keeps me out of trouble is God’s word. You are so right, when I am in his word I am on the right track. It is when I get lazy or busy that I stop or promise God, I’ll get back to it tomorrow…or the next day that I fall into my routine of nagging and finger pointing. Reading and studying his word is the only answer for me. Thanks. Great, great post!
Twitter: lorizimbardi
January 12, 2010 at 11:15 pm
ooh. PS. Great pictures!
Erin, I didn’t read this until this morning … and my toes were already hurting from reading Jessica’s post last night … so now, I’m wandering around crippled from these two oh-so-convicting posts! I suppose I should say “thank you” for saying the words I need to hear (or rather writing the words I need to read) but for some reason “thank you” just doesn’t seem the right response to a post so convicting. I’ll leave it at, “I needed this … more than you will ever know.”
Happy Wednesday..
Wow, Erin. Great advice. I’m a little chagrined at the passages. I’m sure it’s important though or else it wouldn’t be in there so many times. I always try to not nag, and now I’ll try even more! Thanks.
Twitter: jennifervdavis
January 13, 2010 at 10:54 am
Great post! My husband likes to quote those verses to me as a gentle reminder
I struggle to act as I should, but imagine how different my marriage would look if only praise overflowed from my mouth!
Twitter: BrookeLMcG
January 13, 2010 at 12:12 pm
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. Psalm 139:4
Praise God! I’m SO thankful that He knows me so well! I went on a ladies retreat one year. Just before leaving C and I had a terrible fight…it was one of many we had been having during that season. Everything he did was driving me crazy and I was finding myself less and less able to control my anger toward him (of course you know that just made it so much easier for him to be nice to me!).
The whole retreat was just for me. It was anger. I left feeling the conviction, forgiveness and empowerment of the Lord to put away anger. And our marriage hasn’t been the same since. I’m not saying it’s perfect or that I’m perfectly cured of anger, but it’s so much better. I’m so thankful that I serve a Lord who has the power to change ME.
Sometimes I say more with my looks and body language than I do my words, and that is where God is helping me to control my tongue.
Thanks Erin. The Lord has taught me much in this area over the last 10 years, but I still have so much to learn. This area, for me, goes hand in hand with yesterday’s posts on respect. If my heart is truely respecting my husband, my tone usually reflects that. Thanks you for the very good reminder and for pointing us back to His Word.
Excellent post! A wonderful reminder for us all. One scripture that comes to me a lot is “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry…” James 1: 19. It’s so much easier for me to be quick to speak and slow to listen. Thank you, Lord, that you are merciful and continuing to work in us all. Thanks, Erin, for the encouragement. “The Lord delights in those who fear Him.”
Love you.
Great post! Thank you!
Twitter: dailydwelling
January 14, 2010 at 1:05 pm
This is so true, Erin. I learned some of these lessons my first year of marriage and these very same verses really showed me the err of my ways.
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